My son got married Saturday. I spent the reception with a cassette tape in my breast pocket. His mother has been gone eleven years. By the time they cut the cake, every person in that ballroom was going to hear her voice, and only two of us knew it.
The memory table by the guest book had four photographs on it. My wife was not in any of them.
I asked the wedding planner about that, quiet, with my hands in my pockets. She looked at her clipboard like it might protect her.
“I was told to keep the day light,” she said.
I did not have to ask who told her.
My second wife came up beside me with two glasses of punch and followed my eyes to the table. “Today is about the living, hon,” she said. “Don’t go making the boy sad at his own wedding.”
“He won’t be sad,” I said, and I drank my punch.
Eleven years ago, the winter my first wife got her news, she did three things. She taught our boy to iron a dress shirt. She wrote out her pie crust for the church cookbook. And one night when he was at practice, she sat at the kitchen table with my old tape recorder and shut the door.
An hour later she came out, cheeks dry, and handed me a cassette.
“Last dance at his wedding,” she said. “No warnings. No speeches first. Promise me on the truck.”
I promised on the truck.
Side A is labeled in her hand: FOR THE LAST DANCE. Side B is labeled too, two words, and in eleven years I have never played either side. Side B does not say the boy’s name.
Side B says: FOR HER.
I have wondered about that for eleven years. She never met the bride. She never met any bride. There was no her yet.
The tape has lived in my toolbox, under the socket tray, through one house sale and one remarriage. My second wife has never liked that toolbox. Twice she has suggested the whole thing go to the church rummage sale. The second time, she was looking at me while she said it.
Saturday afternoon, before the ceremony, I found the DJ setting up his speakers. A young fellow with a sharp haircut. I put the cassette in his hand.
“Last dance,” I said. “Nothing after it.”
He turned it over like I had handed him an arrowhead. “Sir, I don’t even have a cassette deck.”
“Then you have four hours to find one,” I said, and I put two folded bills in his shirt pocket.
He looked at the label a long moment. “My grandma raised me,” he said. “I’ll find one.”
The evening went how these evenings go. The stepmother dance got announced as the mother-son dance, and I watched my boy do his duty with his jaw set the way his mother’s used to set. The toasts thanked everyone back to the caterer. Her name was not said out loud one time.
I checked my pocket. I ate my cake.
At ten o’clock the DJ caught my eye across the room and held up one finger. Behind his table, borrowed from who knows where, sat a gray cassette deck with a cord running to the soundboard.
My second wife saw me looking. She set down her glass.
“Whatever you are thinking about doing,” she said, low, “think about who has to live with you after tonight.”
“I have thought about it for eleven years,” I said.
The DJ dimmed the lights. He said, “Folks, before the last dance, we have one more request. It’s been waiting a while.”
My son looked at the speakers. Then he looked at me, and I saw him understand, and I saw him stop breathing.
The deck clicked. The tape hissed. Three seconds of hiss, eleven years long.
And then my wife’s voice came through those speakers, steady as the day she recorded it, younger than I remembered and exactly the same, and she said, “Well. If you are hearing this, then my boy found somebody to love him, and I am going to need everyone in that room to do one thing for me, because the first dance belonged to his father, but the last one was always…